so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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