i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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