Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
