We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize