Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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