I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Who died my cat blue again?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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