dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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