you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
