We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
