im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you would pick up someone in the library
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
