hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I lost the right to judge tonight
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
