I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
