If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't notice because vodka
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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