Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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