oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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