Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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