You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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