I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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