So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
