Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
