I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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