nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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