i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
