Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize