you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize