my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
