I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
