i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
