I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
