Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
