thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
