Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
