I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
