Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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