I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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