That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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