drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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