I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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