Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
