How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
