He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
