I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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