I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize