Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
