My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
