Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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