Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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