So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
