he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
