i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
