Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
