he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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