she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I want is dick and wine.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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