and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
