Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
