I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
