you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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