this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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