i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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