OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
