I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
