Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
