Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
