I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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