Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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