At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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