Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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