you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
