If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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