were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
