just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize