It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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